Sunday, June 10, 2007

its the mutual admiration society!

aah i have an award- a thinking blogger award from the mad momma
its odd that at the end of a particularly tiring day its the known and the unknown mommy blogger who empathises with the madness of my day. what about our days to do we see as special, as opposed to exhausting days we had before we turned mothers? what about our new lives do we see as 'invisible'? and why the urge to make it visible, acknowledged
i have many friends, infact most of them male, and non parents, who have been particularly supportive since the time i became a mother. they rallied around me in a quiet sort of a way, making it a point to visit whenever they were free, to check on me, just to chat.
but apart from them i felt like i must desist from talking too much- i tried- ofcourse given what a chatterbox i am i seldom succeed. but i always chattered on, self conscious. stop, i said to myself, dont reveal so fully that you have transformed into a mommy. and dont try so hard to argue out that you are going to be a mother who continues with life much in the same way, but with sanah imprinted fully on her personality.
i am not the same person i was, but i am not 'your' notion of the mother. i am figuring out who i am as a mother.
so the mommy blogs, defining themselves and their roles, are revealing
i have to tag five others who make me think...hmmm...all the blogs i read regularly do that -please see the list displayed. i know thats cheating but...i tag them all
the ones that make me think of who i am as a mother
anita i wait for her to publish her stories for sanah to read
spacebar she seldom writes about being a mother. very few of our conversations have headed in that direction. deeply committed to doing nothing she quietly makes choices that are amazing.
banno - i can not stop repeating my first memory of banno and dhanno -my first trip to ftii. spacebar took me into the girl's hostel and pointed banno to me as someone whose work she admired. banno stood at the far end of the corridor , quietly holding dhanno, a day before she was to leave for germany. tiny little dhanno, with crayon paintings on the hostel wall next to her crib. that moment transformed a brash 20 something's notion of motherhood. it was magical.
please let me digress to other moments/images that i keep going back to.
deep focus had done an interview with deepa dhanraj ages back. a many pages interview- and the photograph of deepa with her daughter on her lap, centered on the page. and i thought, yes why must an important work interview not have a mother photograph. and why must a mother photograph necessarily be accompanied by a mothering interview.
helma sanders brahm did a workshop with us. a working still from her film, germany pale mother, had her instructing her crew, her one year old daughter in her lap.
an image from the same film- the protagonist walks away from her bombed out house in germany during the war. she was wearing a pair of high heeled shoes when she had left her house. thats all she has left, and her baby in the pram. like a wonderful witch on her broom, she heads out with her baby in a pram, wearing her high heeled shoes
i cannot tag the mad momma since she tagged me. nor the huge number of mommyblogs i visit that are listed on her blog. her blog is my one stop mommyhood fix for the day. i guess i can not tag the collective lot.
but i tag a group blog - my bombay fix for the day at a time when i am not as mobile as i used to be- redbuslove - sanah's lal bus -her name for the BEST bus.
and i tag the wide eyed, cat on t-shirt, horticulture . her unnoticed, unsung moments of heroism in this instance is to be noted. these quiet moments of resolve and revolt i emulate.


Space Bar said...

ayyo! what to do now...i don't do memes and tags...


Mukul said...


SUR NOTES said...

just dislay the thingie on your blog.

even i am not sure about the rest.

i so love your committed to doing nothing.

Banno said...

Hey, I don't know how to do this either.

surgeon said...

yay yay yay!
my first blog award! mwah!
thats a flying kiss!

anita & amit said...

woah! now i'm all toe-curled and self-conscious! i can only think of you, spacebar and banno (yes, i have very life-defining memories of banno and aiman at the hostel too - they were there during the month that i spent at the FA). aah, i wish the publishers who are sitting on my manuscripts would read this! thank you, thank you! i really have no words (apart from the 50-odd i've already let fly ;)!)

SUR NOTES said...

hey banno you have to take responsibility for me and ani as moms!!! :)