Monday, November 26, 2007

these blogging moms...

the bby mommy bloggers met!

five of us and our progeny. from four months to four years, they came in all shapes and sizes. and it was minutes before we were smitten with the bunch. the two little babies remained angelic, the occasional feed and the naps, not one wail...

and the two boys led sanah into the play room even while i was saying hello at the door. i was floored by the gallant young things, one dressed in a super cool jacket and the other the perfect host, unpeturbed that new kids were taking over his toys and his room.

and the mommas, we all found common links.

Y turned out to be a student of george! she gasped, and the worried me asked george after i got back if he had pissed off this set of students in any way...imagine a mommy pal who might have formed a 'hate this prof'- who happens to be my husband- club! and parul works with a dear family friend.

and then ofcourse the invariable questions about the other's magic formula in juggling the dozen balls...and all seem to be keeping the balls up in the air perfectly...

i remain astounded at the ease with which people pass judgements about mothers -oh she works, oh she quit working...she is so hyper...and that one doesnt care ... oh she leaves the kids with the maids, and that one with her mom, and that one wont leave without her kid...i hear it all the time around me.

not even in our early twenties did we so freely pass judgments about each other- the time that were all muddling, struggling through our choices- i do not remember anyone saying- oh she can not hold onto her relationships, and she cant get over that one relationship...oh he is commitment phobic because he does not believe in marriage..and he opted out of the marriage racket because he found no one... all i seem to remember is a deep acceptance and respect for the choices we all made...and even when the other was going through hell all we tried to do was support, not say oh your choice of men really sucks...and you go for crazy women...why cant you deide what work you want to do...etc etc...

so many friends chose difficult paths and stayed true to what they believed would bring happiness. and we look on with pride at the host of difficult choices so many have made.

and yet i feel that when friends become mothers the acceptance seems to crumble...how could she go back to work leaving her baby after six months- dammit its important to her, and she remains as connected to her child as the next person who remains attached to her child through the day....and how could she give up working just because she has become a mother, think hard and you might come up with the answer yourself, try it...

oh that long deviating rant was to come back to why it was comforting to meet up with a bunch of mammas who are so obsessed with being mothers that we actually...gasp...gasp...blog about it, openly, for all to see... and each of us have found our own secret magic formulas to make our choices....constantly seeking information and advice to keep honing the formula, but the formula remains unique...might not always be successful either...but works most of the times.

and all five mothers had made very different choices... and that is whats so nice.

so we all met at rohini's place- only a brave lady invites four mothers with children to her spotless home. and brave lady and perfect host she was.

and santa claus kiran brought gifts for the kids.

loads of food was wolfed down.

the classic group photos were taken.

no, it did not seem like a first meeting...

9 comments:

the mad momma said...

humph. dont talk to me. i dont want to talk to anyone until i have successfully organised a blogging meet. until then i shall sulk and be jealous.

Poppins said...

Oh wow that sounds like so much fun and I loved what you said about the judgment part. How true ! Girl you ought to do longer posts like this more often, I love the way you write!

Y said...

heyy - had missed this post...you said it, it didn't seem like the first time at all,

you know, i've been treasuring peanut's early months like anything...only after seeing sanah, I realised how much more there is to look forward to, going ahead! she's such a doll.

Kodi's Mom said...

loved your words on passing easy judgement.
and am super jealous abt ur blogger meet. boo-hoo!
all these moms post pics on their blogs anyway - so can we see group pictures, please?

SUR NOTES said...

tmm: come on over to bby! we will organise one specially in your honour, what say?

poppins: i write like i talk- and i talk endlessly, so i try and temper myself down quite a bit here ...: )

y: little peanut is going to take you through a lovely journey, enjoy!

kodi's mom: come one over to bby, a bloggers meet in your honour coming up.

Rohini said...

Thanks for the [raise but almost forgetting the dessert does not a perfect hostess make...

But I loved what you wrote... especially about the not being judgemental. I normally feel very antsy around mums who don't work full-time because I feel they are judging me but this didn't feel like that...

Tharini said...

Lovely Sur. Just lovely. I think in many ways, its only another woman who will understand some of wqhat you go through, even more than your own husband. In that way, our fellowship is unique and sound. Lovely thoughts.

SUR NOTES said...

rohini: i sort of hiss when people start commenting on moms and what they do wrong... and when fellow mommies do that the hissing gets worse! you should try it with the next one who beings passing judgements on you...

tharini: : )

Parul said...

Hi Sur,

Lovely post and I echo what you say. It would be nice if we started not to filter everyone through our value system.

Hope all of us can meet again sometime soon...this time it can be at my place!!